Umm I'm too high to move.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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