dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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