Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need to align my fucking chakras
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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