I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
