when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
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Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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