So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
