Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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