sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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