haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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