Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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