brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
