So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
