from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
