if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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