how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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