I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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