Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
