I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize