Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
