found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
