you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
