I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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