Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.