Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out