is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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