my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"