Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.