You smell like stripper and shame
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
