Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
