So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
