Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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