I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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