he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
