she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
