uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
