tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
