my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
