my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
