I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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