I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
