Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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