Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
