i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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