I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
