The maid of honor just puked.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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