theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This house was built for laser tag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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