I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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