I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
