I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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