Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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