Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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