You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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