i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
