My friends, they love my intelligence
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
