Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
