Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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