just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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