I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
