Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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