Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
