The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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