What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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