I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
